Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Tori's experience

I want to include the experience of my sweet niece Tori on my blog. (I hope you don't mind Andrea). We all love and miss Jana very much. I cannot put it in words better than Andrea did. Thank you for sharing this Andrea.

As for this Small Child the Veil is Thin

The past several months have been tough for my family. On September 22nd my older
sister, Jana, fell into a diabetic coma and was not able to be resuscitated and
she passed on to Heaven. I would have to say to date this is probably the
hardest thing I have experienced and still it is very difficult. My parents
immediately were forced to find and higher an attorney to fight for custody of
my sisters two oldest children. Currently my parents have temporary custody and
trial is set for February 7th on which day the judge will determine who the kids
will be living with. My parents have a good case with his long standing and
very recent criminal history; however, he is still the father and ultimately
that weighs HEAVILY when you are talking about taking children away. We are
VERY hopeful! It is scary to think that any judge would give someone with the
criminal history he has (including beating his wife's children) custody of two
children when the girls have so clearly stated that they WANT to live with
Grandma and Grandpa! However, the father continues to fight the battle (it
would seem for financial benefit--considering the father didn't even bother
picking up the phone on Daija's birthday to wish her a good one, etc. etc.) so
now it is in the judges and the Lords hands to determine where they live.
Watching my parents and Jana's children go through what they have has been very
hard and painful. For my parents, loosing a child and for these girls to lose
their mother (who essentially is their only care taker) has to be the hardest
thing and sometimes I find myself questioning the fairness. I really just try
to keep in mind the plan of our Heavenly Father, that everything happens for a
reason and families are forever.

The whole ordeal has really taken it's toll on my motivation to blog. Even now,
months later, it is still an emotionally difficult task for me to put into words
experiences I have or have had as they relate to my one and only blood sister.
Yesterday, however, we had an experience in the car on our way to church that I
would like to write down.
Bryson was driving and I was in the passenger seat and Tori and Carson both were
buckled in their car seats behind us. Tori urgently began saying, "Mommy,
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" For anyone that knows Tori EVERYTHING is urgent and
sometimes it's easy to overlook the tone she uses because it's so often used.
However, this time it was different! There was a calm urgency in her voice. I
immediately acknowledged her and said, "what Tori?" She said, "Mommy, I see
Maleia's Mommy." I said, "Where is she?" Tori said, "She is in the sky, in the
Heaven." Both Bryson and I turned around to look at Tori and she was looking
out the window and up into the sky and she was smiling! Again, for anyone who
knows Tori she is VERY good at make believe and so my first thought was that she
was just playing around. I continued to watch her, however, and she would smile
and then it would slightly fade and then she would smile again. This happened
repeatedly and never once did Tori take her eyes off the sky even to look at
Bryson or me. We asked her a couple of questions about what Jana was wearing
and what she looked like. Tori didn't really have answers for us (again, if
Tori was make believing she would have answers to ALL these questions). It was
as if Tori could only see her face but then Bryson asked Tori if Jana was skinny
and Tori replied, "no." It made me realize that Jana would need to be in her
true form, as she was here on Earth so that Tori could recognize her.
Words really do not express how much I miss and love my sister!

2 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm glad you posted it! We all miss Jana and it really is hard to put words to the feelings..I still don't know if I did it justice!

anutt50 said...

thanks for the post. It helps all of us to be thankfu for the blessing that we have daily
And I am not thinking with my mouth